“It started as a young child. I have dressers filled with notebooks filled with songs. I know I’m not a “traditional” SSB artist. I haven’t had a linear professional career. I’m a 46-year-old mother of three, with a finished book and record, trying to figure out re-entry into a world that has completely changed since I left it.” —Amy Hills
Some Serious Business is pleased to welcome author and folk-rock songwriter Amy Hills to Abiquiu. She recently completed a soon-to-be-released album and book—The History of You and Me—about the fifteen-year process of completing a record and the journey from broke, single, pregnant, east village musician to Southern, suburban, middle-class, wife and mother of three with a finished record. Below are her answers to some of our #FiftyQuestions.
Amy comes out of the “Antifolk” music community in the East Village which had its heyday in the early 2000s—The Moldy Peaches toured the world with the Strokes, Beck signed with a major label, young Regina Spektor was charming everyone. During her tenure in New York, she had the opportunity to host the largest two open mic events for singer/songwriters in the city with upwards of 120 performers a week and she also founded and hosted her own open mic at a DTUT, a club uptown, attracting a different set of folks and creating an uptown “scene.” See Amy’s complete bio
The History of You and Me is a twelve-song collection that she began in 2006 and completed in late 2019. Starting as a simple solo guitar, folk-rock record—it evolved into something bigger. The corresponding autobiographical/memoir about the process began as a therapeutic exercise. “How I evolved from my life as a broke single mom on government assistance to a middle-class wife and mother of three. How I buried myself under the devastating loss of self that so often comes with marriage and motherhood and was able to emerge from that and start to create and feel like myself again.” The History of You and Me is produced by NYC based producer, Thomas Kobrick and recorded at Flux, NYC and Charleston Sound Studio in Charleston, SC.
Amy Hills #FiftyQuestions
What are habitual internal fears and bogeymen that come up for you around making art – excluding universal concerns of time, space, money, in/adequacy, and recognition?
Both the patriarchal programming I was raised with and conditioned by society to believe, and a B.S. story that emerged from some personal trauma I experienced, make me feel guilty, needy, and ashamed for wanting and taking any time alone, away from my children and family and their needs, especially for creative endeavors. As a mother of three ages 5-15, I intellectually know that my children (family, friends, community, world) will only benefit from having a parent (human) that values creative expression and self-care and is able to model these things. Emotionally, it is a constant struggle to self-justify spending any of time on anything that is not overtly lucrative, productive, or helpful.
What is your current guiding motivation to work and/or express yourself?
I have a few guiding motivations. My first is the Jungian philosophy that the greatest burden children carry is the unlived lives of their parents. I don’t want my children to look back on our life and ever think that my choice to become their mother somehow held me back or kept me from pursuing my artistic goals and dreams. If anything, I have more clarity of vision and drive, because of my children. My second guiding motivation is a desire to have a positive impact on the world. I found myself in a very unhealthy place during the first two years of the pandemic. I struggled with what I could do, what my family could do, to stay healthy, support our neighbors, and improve our community. I know I was not alone in this. There is a line where political awareness and social activism can become toxic and unhealthy, and I think I crossed it.
In moments like these, when we don’t know what to do but we want to do something, creative expression is a service to the world. Art is healing, for both the artist and the receiving world. The art that I have seen and heard that has been created and released in the last several years is remarkably raw and beautiful and relatable. I want to be a part of that creative healing energy. My third motivation is purely self-care. There is a quote from Rumi that says, “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” I want to feel more of that, more flow, more joy.
Who has been your greatest mentor, living or dead, real or imaginary?
Yay! An easy question! Mike Tyler (poet). I met Mike when I was running the “Antihoot” open mic at the Sidewalk Café in Manhattan. Most weeks, Mike would come and sign up and want to be last or at least near the end. There were upward of one hundred people who performed every week, so the open mic would last all night. Week after week, sometime after midnight, Mike would creep in and hide in the dark back room under his hoodie until it was his turn. He would take the stage, disheveled shaggy hair, skinny jeans, and play these songs that were more like poems: “ABC” (the chords are A, B, C), “Boring Song,” “Stuttering Song.” He was so charming and elusive, my favorite part of most of those long Monday nights. I asked around and was loaned one of his books. I fell in love with his poetry. I couldn’t put it down. I still can’t.
Years later, I left New York to have my first child and was lucky enough to join Mike in his company, The Art Cannot Be Damaged, Inc. Together, over the course of twelve years, we designed over sixty products, published, and released seven books and several records, had release shows and readings, filmed music videos, and managed multiple business partnerships. It was Mike that introduced me to Some Serious Business! Mike’s way of “be-ing” in this world is a constant source of inspiration. There is no separation between his selves, he is always “poet.” There is poetry in everything he does. He values authenticity, always encourages me to create and release my work, he constantly pushed my limits as a designer with our products, supported me as a mother (maternity leave!) and loved and supported my family.
What unchangeable fact has been most frustrating to you as an artist?
The most frustrating unchangeable fact for me as an artist is the need for some level of constant self-promotion, the hustle, to have art seen and received and to build any sort of sustainable career. Social media is not my talent. Accessing confidence and ego when I’m in the vulnerable space of creation is near impossible. But there is this game that artists seem to have to play, at least up to some level, or maybe always? Do I want to create art for the sake of creation, or do I want to create art to share with the world? Does wanting to share my art with the world come from a place of ego or service? Both? How do I make time to prioritize my art without monetary compensation and how does that happen without what sometimes feels like shameless self-promotion? Is it possible to authentically present myself as an artist in this sometimes-toxic social media hustle/frenzy?
When does Joy tend to visit you?
For me, joy requires being present and usually visits after a certain amount of fear and risk; on giant rollercoasters with my teenager, after making decisions that force me to venture outside of my comfort zone, in connection after difficult conversations, witnessing my amazingly brave children take risks and explore their passions. Joy and pride are closely tied in my world. When I’ve created something new, and even in the process of creation, if I’m really in flow, I feel great joy.
What makes you most likely to shut down or go into dormancy as an artist?
Any amount of fear for my safety or my children’s safety sends my fight or flight into warp speed. This is especially a concern in this era of social media marketing and web presence. Any personal information shared online is fair game. And there is zero accountability. I can handle criticism and opinions, but threats and attacks, while immediately blocked and deleted, cause me to question my motives and completely shut down. I have huge concerns about releasing my story into the world. The book has been edited a dozen times and combed for anything that could warrant retaliation or attack but sometimes we can’t judge how certain things will land. Maybe something that seems totally benign to me, and my editors will end up being controversial.
Who or what are you speaking to or with in your current work? Who or what would you like to speak with in your art in future?
It is hard to say who this music might resonate with. I mean Kate Bush is #1 in the US right now for a song she released in 1985. This younger generation is so emotionally present and available and accepting, in a way that my generation was not 35 years ago (still isn’t?).
I think the book has the potential to resonate with anyone that has had the feeling of being untethered or lost and wants to find a way out, a way to tap back into their creative being or maybe even find it for the first time. I love reading memoirs. I always learn about myself from reading other people’s stories. I think there is a lot to learn, or at least be entertained by, in this book.
It is my great big pipe dream to license my songs for other artists to sing. I don’t have a burning desire to tour or perform but I would love for other musicians to take my songs and make them their own to reach their people in a way that I can’t. Everyone has different emotions attached to songs—where they heard them the first time, who they were with, how songs lift them up, allow them to feel, etc. It is music’s superpower. In theatre terms—I want to be the “playwright” with my songwriting and allow other people to “direct and produce” their own interpretation and voice.
If you could be anything besides an artist in human form, what would you like to be?
Any one of my beloved animals! We have a sweet old rescue dog, Phoebe that looks like Falcor from The NeverEnding Story, and two brother cats we adopted during covid, Tacocat and Hobbes. They all have chill happy lives with lots of hugs and walks and good food and naps. Ah naps! They have brought us so much joy.
What would be the most thrilling moment or situation in timespace to find your art being enjoyed?
Now! What a treat that would be. The positive feedback I’ve received for this project has been so encouraging and empowering. I hope it resonates and people enjoy it. I’ve loved making it.
Describe the greatest gift someone has given to you that invigorated your artistic expression?
This SSB Away residency is an opportunity to have time away to get in touch with myself again and allow myself to be curious and dream and explore – I’ve never had an opportunity like this, even before kids. It’s been transformative already.